Hey Beautiful Soul,
I’m back again today + I think today it’s more of a therapeutic blogging session as it reminds me of my morning routine of grabbing my journal + writing my little heart out!
At the current moment in time I feel as though I am Dorothy leaving Kansas via a tornado – totally out of sorts + well and truly lost!
I am at the crossroads in my life in terms of my career + whilst I have shared with you my news + nerves regarding my ‘new job’ it’s all happened far too quickly for me. And I have realised that if I do this new job that’s literally all ready + waiting for me as I write…I can’t be guaranteed daily work + I don’t get any holiday pay at all. I’m not talking 20-28 days a year… I’m talking 13 weeks a year!!! 13 weeks with NO/Zilch/Nadda pay what so ever 😦 And I just don’t think I can afford for that. In fact I know I can’t. I have GAD (generalised anxiety disorder) so all this immediate change is becoming too much for me. So what do I do? How do I back out of this without ruining my professionalism + career???
But didn’t I want this? Wasn’t it me who applied for these jobs + got excited by them?
Well yes it was…BUT I thought i’d have time to think it through – it feels rushed. I feel pressured. I am having almost daily migraines because of all the sudden shifts + changes. I haven’t been able to meditate properly – I can’t still my mind because there is so much to still!
So I pulled out my Miracles Now deck by my unofficial guru Gabby Bernstein and I asked for a miracle (which btw is defined as a ‘change in perception’) + these are the cards I got;
They spoke to me in the way a calm + sensible person would. They said to me what I couldn’t hear my rational, logical self telling me. That I need to approach this with love, with a calm energy not a bull raging through a china shop putting my foot down like I’m dancing the Paso Doble (no idea if I’ve spelt that right!). It also tells me that I need to BREATHE through my meltdown which is sound advice wouldn’t you say?
The two that stood out to me are the top middle + bottom card. I need to let my purpose find me…and step into the person that I want to be – fully + completely! Which gave me an epiphany. I looked online for jobs in accounts. I don’t have ANY accounts experience but I can look right? I saw that there are a few jobs I could possibly do with support + a little training so I applied for them. I also saw that there are SO MANY credit controller jobs which happens to be one of the unit’s i’ve opted to study in my advanced diploma in accounting. So I grabbed the relevant textbook + discovered that it covers insolvency (a key area of interest of mine!), and actually sounds like an accounting job. I know that sounds silly but some accounts work doesn’t sound accounts based – more management based + that does NOT appeal to me right now.
To sum up; I needed a miracle, a change in perspective, i reached for a tool that helps me rationalize my OWN thoughts through key prompts + discovered an opening, an opportunity to study + develop my knowledge in an area that I could be working in!
What do I do about this other job? The unsure/shaky/no promises of pay job? I don’t know right now…I really don’t. Perhaps approach it next week after I’ve had time to think over the weekend? I don’t know. If i’m honest, the thought of dealing with it actually is freaking me out!
So my mantra right now needs to be; I believe in Miracles, + I expect to experience a miracle today!
If you have any thoughts, please leave a comment below,
Speak really soon,
Little Miss Sunshine,